Mama's Little Fella

MAMAS LITTLE FELLA

We are playing catch up on school.  Last year I had the honor to care for my mama who was dying of ALS.  I lived in my own house for 5 days a week and the traveled 3 hours a week to my moms house to care for her for the other 2 days.  I also worked 1 day a week cake decorating.  Something had to give in my schedule and unfortunaely it was my kids schooling.  It was agonizing to me to do this, but I knew I could catch this area up in my life , the schooling.  My Mom I could never get back.  I chose to be with my family and bring my mama home to the Lord with the rest of the family. It was her dying wish that she never be placed in a hospital.  We honored that.  I am so proud to say she never was .  It was hard but we kept her out.  ALS is very hard , your loved one can not speak, move or even scratch themselves in the end .  Can you imagine.  It was horrible to watch my mama be fully alert and not be able to move or speak. Anyway, I hate to remember those times but my mind pulls me back.

Mama and me 

                                                                 

 

me and my little fella  

Back to the present...Jacob schooling the reason I am writing today.  My main goal in life right now is to educate my kids.  With Gods help I believe I can bring those kids back up to there grade level.  I spend most of my time at a table teaching or in a bed reading with my kids.   I'm fiercely protective of my time right now and have to say no to many things.  I've had a rough week with Jake. I won't go in to details but lets just say it was like 100 rounds of I'm the mom and your my son. This is my house and these are my rules.  In the end it was more like God please teach me how to be this boys mom (before I kill him ) and then try to apply it.  I felt like God kept telling me grace, second chances, love is not rigid and that was what I was trying to be with Jake black and white and nothing in between.  I finally backed off Jake and tried to just help him .  He had a open and willing heart to hear me , that had to have been God!  What I have learned in myself is I get angry a lot.  In teaching Jake how not to be angry it has forced me to look at every action of my own anger and it aint pretty.  I know those of you who know me well are nodding your head in agreement right now. 

me doing my mama thing (heehee)

 I never realized how angry and how much I grumbled until my little fella started taking on those traits.  Now what? I don't know , I will keep trying because I can't live with this , seeing that in my child , I  I am thankful to Jake for teaching me and opening my eyes .    

OK...I can't wait any longer to blurt out my good news this was a note from Jake's teacher yesterday

  I have to celebrate again!!!! We had the DIBELs reading test today and OMG! In September I have to tell you that Jake was the lowest in the class.  He was barely able to pass level A on the DRA. But NOW!!!>>>> he moved from Intensive to Strategic and was far from the bottom!!! AND is on level D! The growth he's made this year is INSANE!!! And will only get better with his hard work and determination)

I'm sooo proud of him!!! I love that boy!  

PRAISE GOD !!!

     For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I'm one proud mama! and thankful to all the teachers in Jake's life!  Thankful to God for second chances!

40 something

I don't feel 42.  I am though.  Today I was laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself .  Eating 4 double stuffed Oreos did not help.  I fell into a Oreo induced nap.  When I woke up I remembered my mom was gone , It hard for me still after one year to think of my mom being gone.  For those of you who do not know she passed from ALS , for those of you who do know , sorry to bring it up again.  Its terribly hard to lose your mom and best friend.  I have a good family and a set of excellent friends!  Still there is one huge hole left  in my heart when the Lord called her home.

Shes in a better place, shes not suffering anymore, you will see her again , she is with Jesus, It takes time.  I hear this a lot.  Your all right but it still hurts .  

I got up off the couch.  I got dressed to take a 3 mile walk.  My first in a long time.  I love to walk.  I want to be healthy .  I lay on the couch and think about it all the time while I'm eating naughty things and watching shows about Meth heads, women who have snapped, people who want there singing dreams to come true.  I did it today though....I got off the couch and walked.  It felt so good.  I thought about eating only vegetables and fruit to make up for my Oreo behavior. I had visions of the petite fit woman I could be.  

When I got home from the walk , the last song was "We are the Champions" by Queen.  I felt like a champ.  I did it I got off the couch.  My sweet neighbor made me a banana cake while I was out.  I came home and was faced with a evil delicious cake. I'd like to tell you friends that I said "Be gone Satan " I will not eat that cake but I did not  , I shoveled it in my mouth  ,  it was great.  I kept telling myself nuts were good in moderation and banana was a fruit. 

I'm going to keep trying .  Thanks for reading.